Hero to Zero, just like that

I have felt very uncomfortable lately. I am terrified, to say the least. My mind is spinning. I have so many thoughts swimming around aimlessly in my brain, yet still, I can not get one word out. All I can process is this crazy illusion, that is now my reality. I know I can handle it, but really I should not have to. It is not my battle. I found out that someone I care for dearly, My Hero, is doing drugs.His bong collection is increasing, and so is his addiction to Coke and Meth. My biological father dealed drugs from Columbia, and consumed every drug, in every way possible.


My hero, I never thought would have to experience that path that he unknowingly going down. He might know it. I know he is in complete denial.The average time span of a tweaker is about three years give or take. My brother could technically die at any time now. He could realize that at this very moment, but it will already to late. He can't do anything to return to the health that he was at, before he used drugs as a crutch.I have tried to express my concerns to him, but i get shut down from the start. He has become violent both to himself, and others. I do not notice the real him anymore. I can not help him. It is not my battle.


So no matter how many times I could preach to him my experiences with the topic of drugs, and knowing how much it affects people just as much as himself, he refuses to listen.He will hit rock bottom, but it will be too late. He can try and change this but this habit has already changed him. There is no going back at this point. He is to old, and to hooked. He will be unwilling to go back to his old. There is no going back for him. He doesn't remember how real happiness felt like.He'll tweak. I'll cry.Sunday (9/28) i saw him chop up my step dads medication with his credit card, and inhale it into his nostrils using a tube he made out of dollar bills. This is overwhelming.


He is like a puzzle, and I can not see the box cover. I am trying to put all the pieces back together, yet i still can not see the picture. There are so many pieces that are missing. I am unknowing. I am not optimistic anymore at this point. My hero does drugs, and is ruining his life. He has changed completely, and I am invisible to him. I am hopeful, yet helpless. No matter what, it will not affect me into going down the path he has made for himself. Thank god I do not follow in his foot steps anymore, like I did when i was little.


I use to listen to the same music as him, tried on his smelly clothes that would not fit, and I even tried to impersonate him with his lingo. Now, this is all different. Now i have to make a path for myself, and myself only. Without following in his footsteps for guidance. For the first time I might be the leader for him, but I know he will not follow. He is unwilling to admit his path is leading to the destruction of himselfHis language is foreign to me. I do not speak his lingo anymore. I am invisible to him, hopeful, yet helpless. This is not my battle.





My hero is slowly on his way to permanently destroying his life and he is slowly leaving a permanent crack in my soul.




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