I wish I was the kind of human being that could quit putting myself in other people shoes, and attempt to walk for them. I can barely walk for myself, but yet out of some maybe genetic gift or a coal sent from some high power rather then good 'ol Saint Nicholas, allows me to do these tasks that I can not do for myself. This probably makes no sense to anyone, let alone myself. I have thought about it, and it is indescribable.
I have a high self of esteem, always. I am always happy, now that is my front. Everyone has moments of weakness, whether or not it negatively or positively affects them for the "better" of themselves, is up to them what the results entail. This statement is for people that do not use me as a crutch. For most people, they can not, and are not willing to do so for both people they love, or for anyone in general. This task they can not take on. This task is not a choice of mine, technically it is though. I help whoever comes my way. With any problem I know exactly what to do to make their life or problem contain less to no negativity, as a result. People that come to me are like a math test, and I am the answer key. Of course, people alter what I say because they think what I am saying is rubbish, that is when my advice, for their success towards what they are trying to achieve, sinks like The Titanic. People usually come to me for either parental advice, which I am neither a parent, but i have a lack of the "parent role" in my life, no matter what my birth certificate states after the year I was born.
I am a parent to the triplets that I did not birth, my caniving yet beautiful siblings. I give advice to peers, to be able to productively cope with their parents from the get-go, so they can get what they desire, and incorperate what their parents are most comfortable with, to a point. I also give advice about how to talk, and when to, and when not to, bring up or even try and discuss a topic. Understandable? Maybe I am just smart, and they lack the knowledge.
Mostly, however, people gravitate towards me for relationship advice. Research shows that the daughter looks up to her father to decide the how to evaluate the boyfriend role. If the father is cruel or degrading in any way, more then likely the daughter will end up with that kind of man for their children, or if they are lucky enough, they will go through dozens of them and realize that, that is the exact problem.
My mother has picked HORRIBLE, and do i mean that as an understatement, partners. Somehow I do not, and will never have a partner that reflects the "winners" she has chosen. This is why I have no idea how my advice works for many different people with many different relationship issues. No matter with any xx or xy chromosome that comes a knocking at my door, I whip out my key and tell them the answers, to the best of my ability. People usually call me "Mother Goose" becuase I usually take people under my wing. Its an understandable concept, but she is so, odd looking.
I am happy I can reach out, and in little ways, transform someones life, and make them that much more satisfied with themselves. But if only I could work out my issues. My conditions are perminent and can not be altered, no matter what answer key anyone whips out. I close myself off from everyone, with one acception, Taylor Patrick O'Brien Dickens. People my age, are consumed with only themselves, and don't bother lending a helping hand. That alone could help so many people. Especially the sea of children in my era.
I am proud to say I can influence someone, positively towards their well being. Next for me, is being able to attempt to alter my conditions to become easier to cope with, for my well being. It is a work in process.
I am a closed diary for many, a security blanket for most, and a friend that provides love to whoever crosses in my path, always.
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