Freeze

I walk over to the computer. I step on my brothers toy truck and fly forward. I catch myself, but I stubbed my big toe, and it instantly began to sting. I hobbled over to the computer with my bum toe, and sat down in the un cushioned chair. I went to the Internet and I typed in "MySpace.com". I decided to look up this particular lady. Not just any lady, but a thirty your old women that lives near the Georgia or Tennessee area. This lady's name is Shalet. The name is French, and is pronounced Shuh-lay.
I type in her name and 30 pages of women pop up on the screen. My eyes light up as the result, and my jaw drops. I never thought this name was even heard of. I feel as though I have no control of my body. I feel an adrenaline rush, not of energy, but of fear and hopelessness. With my mouse, I return back to the box where I entered her name just minutes ago. With my arrow, I high light her name, and then I bring my trembling finger to reach the delete button. I can not stop shaking. I am fearful, but I can not stop looking, staring, cringing.
I am in a mind state of accomplishing the task I have started, which was a mistake. I bring the courser to the box once again. I type in Shalet and I enter in "100 miles from Knoxville, Tennessee". My heart is pounding, and I feel light headed. I close my eyes and press enter. Four pages pop up before my eyes. I inspect the pictures of the women.




Oddly enough I do not know what this women looks like. She was born when I was either 14-16 years old. That would make her in her early 30s.





I keep scrolling down. There are some Asians and African Americans and other ethnicity's that I do know, are not hers. This crosses off at least some options of women on the screen. I pull myself somewhat together, and I keep scrolling through the pages. I feel like I'm on a race that I can not stop until I reach the finish line. I do not know why I am trying to get in contact with her. I narrow it down to three women. I click on the first one. My heart feels as though the beat is increasing with every breath I take. The first one is definitely not her. I do not know why. There is no evidence that it is not her, but I decide to go to the second woman. I click on the next Shalet. Her page pops up on the screen. I stare at her page, with very little on it. I keep my eyes locked on her picture. Next to her picture states where she lives; Knoxville, Tennessee. Her age says 30. All the pieces fit.
I continue to stare at her pictures. She looks very petite, probably five foot four, and very slender. She has blue green eyes and light olive skin. Her straight, dark brown hair falls just below her collar bone.
I look at an album of other pictures that were taken on her wedding, which is last year, of this month. I scroll though and I find a picture titled "Daddy and Me :)." It is a photograph of her with my biological father who is in fact, her biological father.







I freeze.