march 30th

Taylor has been missing for over 48 hours.

He escaped from rehab. (i will explain in another blog)

He has been running from 24 crews of Magna UT officers for, yet again more then 48 hours.

He has an Amber alert out for him in Utah, and one soon will be released in Nevada.

I have been shaking in my boots for the whole time he has been missing. 

I was actually more mad then sad-angry-scared.

I couldn't believe that he left rehab.

I know Taylor better then anyone on the planet, and he would not leave Vista (his rehab) if there was not something wrong with it.

He was genuinely excited about moving on to the "next step" which is Vista, in Magna UT.

He would have ran on his way there if he really didn't want to follow through with this next step.

He called me yesterday (march 30Th) at 8:20

I have a ring tone for my brother which I knew, and I forgot that I also put my regular default ring tone as the same one. So when he tried calling I thought it was my brother and did not bother to check.

I got a voice mail, and minutes later  I looked at the number. 

It was an area code 801. I freaked out and tried calling back

I knew he had called on a pay phone.

I waited and waited for him to call back.

It seemed like forever until he called back, but it was actually a matter of minutes

I started crying hysterically. He tried to calm me down.

He sounded so scared. We have "duplicate minds" So I always know his feelings through his voice and actions.

He told me about the horrific things he went through while he was JUST there for 2 whole weeks.

Then the pay phone lady said he had 30 seconds. I told him to call 0 and ask for a collection call to my house, and that is all he heard right before the pay phone ended his call.

He called my house and I accepted the phone call.

My step dad ended up talking to him for at least 10 minutes.

My mom rushed over to my step dad's house to find out what was going on instead of hearing it after. Oddly enough there was no fighting between the two of them, probably because they are worried about him.

My step dad bought a plane ticket to leave in the morning to meet him at some hotel. And somehow Taylor knew exactly where it was.

So my step dad landed and went to go to the hotel. Taylor left a store and bought a Gatorade, and the alarm went off, and they thought he stole something when he didn't.

The cops came and they recognized by his picture floating around, that the cops were looking for him. Taylor explained the situation, and the cop knew that the rehab that we was at was affiliated with the Church of Synanon, and pretended that he did not see him. He apparently was really nice, and understood what Taylor went through, and was going through now.

The place finally found out that he did not steal anything, and that it was someone else.

Him and a guy left at the same time, and the clerk thought it was him instead of the other guy that walked out at the same time as him.

Which was probably exactly what the thief was planning to do.

Luckily the police officer let him go once my step dad called and said he was a cop, and that he was picking up his son. He had to say that Taylor was his son because if he didn't Taylor would have had to have an ID to board the plane, and because my step dad was "his dad" he did not need it. And thankfully my step dad changed his last name on the tickets he printed. He's very sneaky. I would never have thought about it.

tension

On of the worst feelings that someone can come across. In my case, tension becomes anger, which yet again in the end becomes rage. I feel like a tank of gas that is empty and is just coasting down a long drive way to god knows where. My house is this long drive way. My parents are communicating. My dad resigned from the police department, I did not find this out until a week after it happen. There was two columns in the paper stating false things that the community accused him of doing. One of which was carrying a gun off duty. He is allowed to carry a gun where ever he'd like, cops in general (i think depending on their rank) can carry guns off duty. My step dad cal carry a gun on an air plane. He has done it before. Also, the community said that he RAN and pulled down flyers that people had set up all across Palo Alto. My step dad can barely walk, let along jog or in this case run. It is a complete joke. My step dad went to the new captain and chief and demanded that they would never give out false information like this again, and in the paper the next day it said what had happen about being angry about the last column in the paper, and it did not justify why, and along with that it said more things that did not happen. My step dad is sueing Palo Alto Police Department for 100,000 dollars. He is going to win too, that is the funny part. They know not to mess with him, but they are apparently up to the challenge. All of the lower ranks that my step dad supervises absolutely loves my dad. He is strict but fair, nice but serious. I do not know how this was said, but that is what an sever officers have told me. The new captain was the one that decided my step dad should be laid off for being on "disabled" something or other, and could not do the streets, and had to be in the office until his knee replacements in a couple weeks. May would be his five years there, and after then he was going to retire with all his medical etc, but he was pretty much forced to resign about two weeks ago. I do feel bad for him in a way. He seems better off, but that is always the front he puts on.

I do not understand why people put on complete fronts, but make suggestions such as fake smiling and saying with a sad tone that they are perfectly fine and then put their head down. It is not illegal for feel down or depressed. I think in society that people are afraid to show to much emotion, and that this has been happening for a very long time, especially in police departments. Showing emotion in the department brings down other officers, and affect the officer that is having a hard time. Other officers target them as being weak. So much for being a "team" right? That is how the world and any company or work place is. It is a high school for grown adults. Something always has to happen, to make people feel like they have it better off by bringing other down or twisting what they saw or heard to others like a game of telephone. Messages are spread and what it comes down to is anger and rage for a short or long period from someone, and other get flushed down the toilet for their negative emotions that had nothing to do with the victum to begin with. Its a vicious cycle. In high school, there is an program every year, breaking down the walls. It is affective the day that people are in that gym, they learn things about people, but once they walk out, hours later nothing they learned in that gym is put into practice. When will people be simpathetic to others, and not expect others to be nurturing towards them until they show some sign of caring in the first place? This will never stop. People point fingers at others for problems in society but in reality they are apart of the problem. 

letter#2 February 20th

he has three pieces of paper a week to send to a list of 6 people. i got all six, on my second letter.

Dear Rachel,

I was so happy to finally get a letter from you that i almost did a freaking back flip. I have probably not been this happy in over 2 months. All of the stuff in your letter was so good to hear Ray. I'm super excited about you playing volleyball again! I really regret acting how i did about it before (jealousy, possessiveness etc, about people staring at you, because the important thing is that you're enjoying it, and it's something constructive that makes you happy. Having said that, if you do catch someone creeping while you are in those spandex, let them know that i'll walk out of the desert just to give them a good stomp!

So jamba juice huh? well maybe when I come home i can get a job there with you. Yoga also sounds like a good idea, you and your anger problems rach! I'm glad your mom is making you do it though. keep yourself as busy as possible and i'll try and do the same. I'll start doing yoga out here in the snow, so that way we can have a battle.

So the beard/stash that I have is pretty magical and yes it does keep me quite warm out here in the desert ice box of Utah. My hair is getting pretty long, and I promise I won't cut it just for you. I might lock  it up though when i come home, so I do not become rasta or something... I have not decided yet but i'll keep you posted. Its nice to hear you're growing your hair out too, instead of hacking it all off into a bucket.

Well I'm interested to hear how you're doing emotionally. Are you still going to therapy? how is tony becker treatin ya? how's all that going? how are things with la familia? anything new with tim? I know you worry about him a lot so I hope things are better... How are your grades young lady? A's i hope! 

Oh yeah, what's your book about? that sounds like something you'd be really good at. I've been making journal entries everyday too, its an assignment every stinkin day.

Well i'll continue to do my best out here and I know I'll be thinking about you every minute of every day. Keep doing what you're doing, it sounds like you're doing well.

I love you very very much and I can not wait to hear from you again.

Love Tay

p.s. happy valentines day. and happy six months too (feb. 21st.) I have something special planned so get ready! i love you more the end (myy line)

(another piece of paper to me, that he decided not to write to anyone, apparently)

I's also nice to hear that things haven't changed too much and that you're still wearing my clothes and that boo bear is still and active part in your life (a bear he gave me for 2 years ago) It's also pretty awesome that you're spending time with my mom. Oh yeah, congrats on passing your drivers test. That's so awesome. Well I'm glad you liked your necklace. It's nothing major but I thought about you when I was pickin it out and it took me forever to decide which one to get you. But it's not cool you got meee presents! I didn't want you to get me any ray! lol

aOh well i'll just get you another one, and one-up you when I get home. Rach, you are truly an amazing person and the fact that you will continue to stand by me in such hard times really speaks to the incredible character that you possess as a person. I really can't believe how lucky I am to find somebody with so much genuine love and caring in them, it is a rare thing to find in life, and I found you. Thank you for being the person that you are, and sharing that with me. I have learned a lot just from being around you. There is no way I could ever replace you.

I am doing alright here. I miss you more and more by the minute and I can not wait to give you a huge hug and kissses next time I see you. The food here is terrible, and we just got a blizzard the other day, so shit is rough, but i'll live. I read a few books this past month and i pretty much just pack up, hike, make fire, and eat. Everyday lol. I spend a lot of time day dreaming about visiting Ireland!

It have been so aggrevating that I can not see you but like you said, it's best for me to be here. I am starting to think like I use to before drugs. Being here has made me think about life, and just about everything else more clearly, and it has put a major spin on life for me, which I am truly thankful for. I'm truly sorry about what has happen in the past between us, you did not deserve it. You're to good of a person to experience my life with me for the past 3 years, but I do thank you for it. I went to rehab for you, but I did get out too soon. I'm glad I'm here again and making huge progress.

I love you.

Taylor