my mom pulled me out early. Then my step dad called suligan, and asked him to take me out of school at a COMPLETELY different time. Not to conveinant on my part, but i guess I have to put up with it for a while. So I got in the car and drove home, hitting every red light. I am actually a good driver; meaning I do not speed etc. I got to my mom's house, and my step dad called to ask where I, i had to play the part of the owls in Harry Potter to get all the times and schedules straight between the both of them. Great fun huh? My mom drove me and my wonderfully obnoxious triplet siblings to the dentists office. I hate getting my teeth cleaned. I hate the scratchy sound, inside my mouth. It is not that pleasent. I got in the building and there was a women about to bring all of us back to her, as she called it, "station". I honestly had no idea what was going on. My mom usually cleans all our teeth (she is a dental hygenest). He lady had really curly hair. She had hair like shirley Temple, but hers was a deep brown. She had blue contacts on, which was even more creepy. She told me that I was getting head gear, and invisaline. Whoa? So I'll be done with allll the "fases of this amazing process" according to her, until the end of my senior year. Plesaent.
Saturday
I have not been able to sleep, at all. I have noticed that I always wake up at three. I realized over time that I looked at a text message Taylor sent me, three hours before he was taken away, and I rembered I read it around that time, 3:00 -ish. So I went to my physicatrist, and my mom told him how I only sleep between 3-4 hours each night. I have noticed that, that is all I do get. My mom has tried a little more, to make up for her not being there for my 504 meeting. I honestly have no idea. I have been at her house lately, because my step dad has been having alot of stress at work. So me and my siblings were shipped to her house over the weekend, and through out the week. I like staying with my mom, more then my step dad. My mom notices my patterns of sleep. She is very concerned. Dr. Grossi took me off of 2 Klonipin (1 pill of xanix along with even a small amount of alchol will totally mess with you. My klonipin is twice to three times as strong, depends (of course) on the size of the person, and their tollerance/how long they have been doing drugs..) So technically me taking 2 of K, does not make me sleep. My doctor is completely surprised. He gave me this completely strong pill, Tr- something. I don't remember how it is spelt. It does not work either. He told me if it does not work the first night, then maybe the second night. If that doesn't work, he even said that it will be a huge problem. He said I can not... not sleep with how strong my medication is. So I've been doing that.
night time:
I go over to my down the street neighbors house for "young life meeting". I will be honest, I do not beieve in a higher power of any kind. I could go on forever on facts, along with my opinions not to believe in a higher power. My mom thinks it is unhealthy, so she told me to "try it out" So I drive there, just for the heck of it. Its probably like six houses down, the opposite way, down my street. I really like my neighbor, he goes here, and he is a senior. We use to finger paint where we were little. And then we "seperated". That awkward stage of "guys and girls" whatever thing. But now we are close.
I remember going a while back, last year. So I knew alot of the people, and I have for sure kept in touch with this one girl that goes to ST. She is a sweet heart. We all went in the front room to watch a video. On what? drugs. I knew it was going to be horrible. I sat there, stairing at the figurine on top of the Tv, but of course I could still hear what they were saying. I started to cry, a huge amount of tears were running down my face, but luckily (like I have said before) i do not sniff, or breathe in breathe out kinda of thing.) I just sat there. My neighbor, Kevin, His mom has always been another mom to me. She understands how drugs have affected and maybe infected my life. My dad was a huge drug dealer. No one would turn him in because he was "so high up there" on the drug world whatever. He would fly into Columbia, and then exit, with no problem. HE was one of THEE top sellers on the west coast. No wonder my mom didn't tell me that when I was little. My stupid ass older brother has said some messed up things to me lately, and then my boyfriend, the only one who is actually recovering, was a drug addict. Hm. quite counsidental... probably not in a good way.
So, anyways, I just sit there, crying. When the movie was over I looked right, and whiped my eyes with my left sleeve, and vice a versa. Then everyone left, and of course Kevin's mom noticed, with out even looking at me. She must have known that i'd be upset. She did not tell her husband not to not watch it because I was there. She is not the paster, and they were learning about drugs, but they will never understand the "drug world". So Kevins mom took me outside once everyone had left. She has never seen me cry, so it was different. She just asked me how I get through everything. I guess I explained to her that no matter how badly i get hurt with things, I brush it off. If my brother, or Taylor do or say anything about drugs, not on purpose, I start to cry. Does not matter what they say. Taylor knows this, but my dumb butt brother does not. He does not care. Self deception.
She listened to me, then started crying. I do not get along with most girls/teenage women very well. But of course she is not one of those. I guess it is the fact that I do not talk "...poorly" about people. Of course I vent... to myself, but its always about factuial things. If that makes any sense. And i guess talking to her was alot easier because it was more of an adult conversation. I'm better at that, I guess because... i don't really understand, but i'm not like teenage girls really, and i've had to take on a more adult role since I was 12.
She asked more questions, about Taylor. He will be gone for another couple months. It does not bother me, or him. I can talk to him alot more now, so that helps. I told her about that and some other things about him. So it was nice to talk to a person that can relate to having drugs affect them, and talk to a women rather then a guy. I really do not have girlfriends. I have two older cousins, along with my sister who is 25. So does that count?
I drove home.
Sunday
I woke up at around nine, after about 5 hours of sleep. Thats longer then most nights. That medication is not working at all. I'm surprised to be honest. I'm at my step dad's house now. Loads of fun. His brother and him are re-doing the kitchen. Nice and peaceful time for me....
They told me to go get star bucks. So I get there. I had the worst time getting parking. I run in there, because it is raining so hard.
computer failure.
not done at all.
I write tooo much.
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