November 2007

"One, two, three," I count as I sit, legs cris crossed under the big willow tree in front of my aunts house. I count quickly to thirty five, as my cousins hide all around the street.
Here is a little background on my step fathers families side of the family, I have about 35 immediate cousins. All us cousins range from 32-8 years old. So the teenagers, which is probably about 15 of us play hide and go seek outside on thanksgiving. We get released from the table once we get tired of listening to all the aunts and uncles tell us about how they didn't have this much to eat when they were kids.

I unfold my legs, and slowly get up from the ground. I am looking for my older brother. He is 20 but still can't give up his ego for the game. I tiptoe slowly around the bush that separates my aunts front yard to her neighbor to her lefts. Two houses down I see my brothers white Adidas shoes, under a big red truck. I smirk as I make my way past the first house to the second one that separates me from destiny. I crouch down as if I am invisible and begin to proceed to my prey.


"DESTINY IS MINE!" i ferociously yell, as i pull off my brothers shoe and hold it up into the air. I see my cousin pull out from under the truck. Shocked, I look over at the large almost naked, tree. Low and behold, there stands my brother with one hand leaning on the tree, and the other holds his other shoe. He yells "You'll never get me Rachel." then laughs. My eyes increase in size. I look under the truck and it is my cousin Jack. "That was a set up, that isn't fair. That is cheating!" I yell at him. He just laughs again, "I'm bending the rules, without breaking them." he yells, "JACK'S IT". All the cousins come out from their hiding places and proceed to the middle of the street in a line.
Jack now sits in front of the willow tree, hands over both eyes. He starts to count "One, two, seven." We all look at each other and laugh then run. I run way down the street as fast as i can. I decide to hide out of the boundaries like the rebel I am known to be. I get a text message from a friend but I close it so my phone will not make any noises. I open my phone, and go through my contacts. "Trump?" I whisper out loud. I am puzzled. I know I do not have Donald Trumps phone number. I decide to call to see who it is. After the second ring I remember who it is. "Hello?" i hear a mans voice on the other line. I am choked up. I do not say anything. "Rachel?" he says. "Uh hey..." I say. I am scared out of my mind. It has been more then about four months since I have talked to him. He has ignored my phone calls around two months ago, so i stopped calling ever since. But now, somehow he answers. I take advantage of it. "I was just thinking about you, Taylor. How are you." I whisper. "I could be better. Why are we whispering?" he whispers, then laughs. I feel like a complete idiot.

This is the Taylor that I use to know, and love. "How are you doing, Rachel?" I'm shocked that he is having a conversation with me. I completely forget that he even asked me a question. I am so scatter brained. "Why could you be better?" Are the words that come out of my mouth, that to me make no sense. "I got sent to Colorado. I arrived here yesterday." My heart is beating. I do not say anything. "Ya there?" he says. "Oh yeah, yeah, I am." he must realize that I am in complete shock that he is on the phone with me, and tries to keep the conversation going. Nothing between us has ever been awkward, but I feel so uncomfortable. I have questions I want to be answered, but I can not say them. Questions that should be answered, but I do not want to hear the response.
"Why did you get sent out to Colorado?"
"Oh, I just got sent here to live with my dad for a while."
Yet again, I do not know what to say.
"I've missed talking to you, lets keep in touch now. Is that okay?"
Shocked and immediately I say "Oh of course, we need to catchup. I miss you"
I sit down on the concrete feeling like an idiot for telling him that i miss him.
"I miss you too Rachel. I'm sorry it has been so long, A lot of things have been going on" He laughs. "I was just so busy, ya know?"
I nod my head, but of course he can not hear that, "Oh yeah I hear ya." I whisper. I feel like a complete idiot. "Hey, I have to go, I have to go spend some time with my pops. Call me sometime soon, yeah?" he says.
"Yeah, very soon. It was great talking to you." I say as I finally calm myself down.
We get off the phone seconds later. I collapse to the ground. I feel so much better. It feels like there has been weight lifted off my shoulders that I never knew was there. He is okay, and talking to me, all at once. Miracle? I think so.


How long is soon? I ask myself.
Laying in some neighbors driveway, hidden by a couple bushes. I lay there with my eyes closed, and breathing heavily. I open my eyes. I have a foot on my stomach. "RACHEL'S IT. He looks down at me "AGAIN!"

I roll my eyes and run to the stupid willow tree.

arrested november 2008

He called me on the phone. It was about eight o'clock at night, and I have not heard from him since around 12. I have been sitting on my couch, staring at my phone for hours now. He finally calls me and I can vividly see what he has done, by what he is saying.
"I got arrested babe, I'm sorry."
"SORRY?!" I yell.
I tone my voice down "What happen?"
"I owed some of my homeboys money from before I moved to Colorado, so we walked off campus and one of our guys picked us up and took us to Safeway."
I do not say anything. He sighs. "Rachel... Please hear me out."
"I can hear you just fine." I say firmly.

I can tell he is frustrated. "We walked into Safeway. We walked down all the aisles looking for any lady with a purse."
I am silent, waiting for him to continue. "I called -and says a name I do not remember- and he pulled up in front of Safeway. I gave my homeboys "the sign" and we walked down an aisle where a lady was trying to get something off the top shelf." he takes a breath. "Ya there Rachel?" he says. " I can hear you loud and clear, Taylor."

"Okay, so Alex tells the lady that he can get it for her, and he looks over at us, and we grab her purse out of the cart, and my boys huddle around me. We go out the IN door and run into the car and drive off. A whole bunch of people run out to get the license plate. To bad it was a stolen car, but we decided to stick out heads out the windows and yell out random letters and numbers so they would get confused."
I am shocked. He has been going down hill since he was selling E, but I do not say anything.
"I'm sorry Rachel, I just needed the money to pay it off, and I do not have like any money right now, and of course I am not going to ask my parents for 1000 dollars-" I stop him. "One THOUSAND dollars?"
"Yeah... Rach. You do not understand the drug world. You could be with your homeboys, but if you do not pay them back, they are your enemies just like that."
I feel sick to my stomach.
He tells me more. "We made our way safely to a guys house, and empty the purse." Then we hear sirens. All my homeboys ran but three of us. The cops got us in hand cuffs and we were sent down town."
"I can not believe you did this Taylor."
"Rachel, you do not understand, I need the money or these guys could do something really bad. And the reason why I did not call you was because if they saw I had a girlfriend they would threaten to get you."
I feel sick, like I am about to throw up.
"Taylor..."
"Rachel, I did something stupid. It has nothing to do with you though."
"STOP right there Taylor" I yell. " It DOES NOT affect me, or have anything to do with me? Are you kidding right now. Taylor I do not think you understand that your past with the drug world is still apart of your life RIGHT NOW!"
"No Rachel, you are a huge part of my life." I stop him. "Taylor, exactly. I feel like since you have that drug world and it is still there even though you are sober. It affects me more then you'll ever know."
He does not say anything.
"I'm sorry for blowing up. I know you have had a rough day, but you can not keep doing stuff like this, you are going to get hurt." I pause. "Taylor, you are going down hill."


I start to cry.